secret battles

I've been eating so much lately. I can't seem to get my control back. I feel so lost without my old feeling of familiarity which is fading fast. I had soup, noodles and quaver crips (only 85kcals, but still ergh) all spread out through the day. The last time I ate was four hours ago, though. I feel hungry now and I like it. I like it a lot. Please never go away, never leave me again. I can't cope without you. Without you I feel stuck. Like in a traffic jam where I cannot move for hours on end. I won't let you leave me again, I will have you back because I need you. I rely on you too much, you let me keep what little sanity I have left in this crule, lonely place

Survery AD: "Are you single?" Um.. yes, well what did you expect?

I've always been a suffer in silence kinda kid. Which landed me a therapist 'cause apparently it's not healthy to bottle up you're emotions

I have that old familiar feeling of desperately sore hunger. I like it and I don't want it to ever go away

went to visit my blood relatives at the weekend, my aunt always says i have a heart of ice. i laughed along with everyone but inside i was like ouch. i'll never admit it upset me, ever

dear me,
he won't ever fuck/love/date/kiss you. look at the state of you, you FAT, UGLY useless piece of shit. you're so useless and worthless, does anybody reaaaaaally love you?

you're "best friend" has ditched you for HER. bye bye, friend. i think i possibly might miss you. so, rebecca. have you learned a lesson in this? yes, i have me, don't trust anybody and build up your safe house again.

there is never a brightside. love, me.

i haaaaate being fucking sober

i'm getting scared of my own mind, i can't stop thinking about suicide, death, hurting myself. even when i don't want to think something, i'll think it and get ideas.. bad ideas

lost in a black abyss of depression, drugs, alcohol.

just when i begin to think i can trust somebody, they prove to me i can't

I JUST WANT TO FUCKING DIE :'(

hungry and sore, the way it always is

i am a disgusting person! i actually feel comforted by other people's pain. i deserve to be shot & tortured

my dad said to me yesterday that he thinks i've lost more weight - what a fucking joke!

eugh, just observing how fat my thighs are

i shouldn't eat.
but i cannot help myself
because i am fat
and fat people do not deserve food
they do not need it
& i deserve to be punished and starving

my parents think that one of those adolescent units might help me?
i know what it is, i mean i'm not a retard or anything, but i just don't know the full story behind them

what is their intentions?
to make me "well" and normal?
has anybody ever been in one, if so how is it?

is it scary?
what's it like?

mom: do you want some pasta before i put the meat in?
me: no thank you
mom: so, your back to starving yourself again?
me: shut up! no, I'm not. i eat loads
mom: don't tell me to shut up and you do so starve yourself

nice day, huh?